Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
