I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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