I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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