I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
