I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Still dying that you shit outside
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
