My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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