i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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