i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize