I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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