Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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