So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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