Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize