do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
