my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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