its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
