yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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