my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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