i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
