Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
