apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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