It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
