Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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