i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
