She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
