he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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