Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
