You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize