He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
