Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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