I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
