at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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