ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
one might say we're banned from that church
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
