Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
