you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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