is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
