So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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