please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
