i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize