Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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