Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I need help removing her.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
