end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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