Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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