ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
