I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
