Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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