Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize