yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
