We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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