puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm getting married
To pizza
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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