I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Ketchup is God's man juice
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
