'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The Olympian is in my bed
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
