i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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