there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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