I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
