Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
