Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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