i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
