Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
