I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
