she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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