I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
