If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
