I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think I just shit out all my problems.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
