Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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