Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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