Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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