His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
