This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
