i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
