I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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