Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
