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Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
