I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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