I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
