I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
