I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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