Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
