: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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