Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
