Tell her she can't have a vagina
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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