YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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