what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
