I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
