THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
why do cheetos always look like penises
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
