Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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