"it" just moved
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
