I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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