I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
