I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
