dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
