Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
