I want to make a zoo with you.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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