Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
