I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
don't judge my taste in strippers
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
