I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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