I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
