just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
