I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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