So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize