Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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