if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
