Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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