I wish I could punch you in the face.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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