so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
